Question of the Week (31st August 2016)

From your expert perspective, at what age is it deemed OK for parents to leave their child at home alone?

It is difficult to define a specific age as children vary in their development and maturity. Pre-schoolers and those under 10 years of age must not be allowed to stay alone at home. Beyond ten, it becomes controversial. In the legislation of some foreign jurisdiction, children up to 15 years old are not allowed to stay at home. As each child is different, it will be best for parents to understand their child's temperament, maturity level and his or her propensity towards being impulsive to determine if their child can be safely left alone at home. 

If a child has to be left alone for any period of time, what tips do you recommend to parents in order for them to keep their child safe?

Firstly, never take safety for granted. Look into safety features such as locking the window grilles. Also, make sure that you are contactable so that the child can reach you immediately if he becomes frightened or has any needs. Having a good relationship with your neighbours will be important as they can sometimes keep a look out for you and the child can also approach them should any emergencies or needs arise.

Post Natal Depression, Q and A. Part 2

Q3: Often, men (dads) seemed to be neglected in the equation of achieving parenting (psycho-emotional) wellness. Why is that so – is it true that they are less susceptible to post-natal and parenting blues?

Post-natal blues by definition pertains only to mums. However, while less likely than mums, dads are vulnerable to parenting blues or even depression. In general, due to societal expectations, the responsibility of child care and parenting still falls on mums. We have tax relief to help working mothers and much longer maternity leave and this is testament that mothers are expected and more likely to sacrifice their careers to care for their child. 

In most circumstances, it is natural that the child forms a much stronger attachment to mums than dads because of the child birth process and breast feeding. As such, the stress and responsibilities that falls on a father is much less. However, societal expectations are shifting. These days, the demands for a dad's involvement in child care and parenting is increasing and we are seeing more fathers who are finding it stressful and having difficulties balancing work and child care, and consequently getting blue.

Q4: Lastly, what can parents do to alleviate fears and anxiety? Is the attitudinal approach the best way to prevent it? Any tips?

As a society, we may want to be more cognizant of the difficulties new parents may face, particularly in this age of small nuclear family with little or no support from extended family. Much has been done to alleviate the financial aspects, as well as to provide longer maternity and paternity leave.I believe as a society we can still do more to educate and support parents. 

Other than attitudinal change, maintaining healthy family dynamics and a strong couplehood will improve support to the parent, allow them to talk about their fears and anxiety and prevent feelings of isolation. Mum and Dad must continue to spend time with each other and go "pak tor". Improving parental relationship will help with improving the care of the child and there is no need to feel guilty for leaving the child behind. Mum and Dad must also have their alone time so that they can have time of the stress of care and continue with their hobbies and meeting up with peers. The other spouse must recognise the need for alone time and not begrudge the other party but instead take turns to do so while the other cares for the child. Commonsensically, parents do need to sleep well, eat healthily, exercise and manage the stress from their career in order to keep these fears and anxiety at bay.

If the blues, anxiety and fears are serious, in that they affect the parent's ability to care for the child or to work, he or she should seek professional help and treatment Postnatal depression and Anxiety disorders can be effectively treated with medications and therapy. Denial of the conditions and leaving them alone can have dire consequences.

Post Natal Depression, Q and A. Part 1

Q1: Why do parents suffer from parenting fears, post-natal or parenting blues?

As with most psychological conditions, exact causes are not known. However, we can understand the reasons from biological, psychological and social cultural factors. Some individuals may be genetically vulnerable to having these conditions and there may be a family history. 

After pregnancy, there is also a fluctuation in female hormones which results in a risk of post natal; blues and even depression in mothers.

 Psychologically, parents may not be prepared for the stress of a new child. There may be a discrepancy between their expectations and reality and only realise that caring for a newborn may not be as easy as it seems, leading to feelings of incompetency, fear and low mood. If the newborn has a difficult temperament, parents may have an even harder time to cope resulting in further stress. 

Socio-culturally, especially in present days of having one to two children and every child is precious, there can be a lot of pressure from spouse, in-laws and grandparents to be overly protective to the child and to give the child the best. Conversely, lack of support and marital dysfunction can also lead to fears and blues.

Q2: Stress and anxiety from caring for infant is often identified as the culprit for post-natal depression. To what extent is this true? How can parents adjust expectations and would that help to alleviate post-natal depression?

Stress and anxiety are definitely symptoms which may indicate that there is an increase in the possibility that the mother may be or will be having post-natal depression. It is more pertinent to address the psychosocial issues that are causing these stress and anxiety. 

It is sometimes not only  the parents, but also those around them and even media portrayal that leads to difficult expectations. For example, many mothers have the stress of having to breastfeed there newborn perfectly and feel guilty when they are unable to due to physical reasons. The intense guilt then leads to depression. 

It will be helpful if would be parents are exposed to and educated about the potential difficulties that they may face. Most parents will give their best when caring for their child, and there is no need for perfection or comparison with others. Support and reassurance from spouse and family members are equally important.

Question of the Week (13 August 2016)

Question: Please share your opinion on the psychological benefits that spending in the outdoors can give to - babies, toddler, children and the family.

For children, even at an infant stage, playing is the main way of which they learn social interactions and other skills necessary for normal development. Outdoor activities are an important aspect of play. Outdoor activities allow for the possibility of playing in a large group and enhances the child's social skills and ability to work in a team. Ability to work and to get along with others is a crucial predictor or success in the future. Playing together also enhances the relationships of the family.

Outdoor activities also helps by allowing the child to use the whole of his body during play and this trains coordination, balance and spatial sense. Acquiring these skills and becoming physically stronger and healthier from sports and outdoor activities help a child feel more confident and increases his overall sense of wellbeing.

Getting sunshine outdoors is beneficial too. Getting adequate sunshine helps to regulate the circadian rhythm of our body and allows for better sleep at night and wakefulness in the day. Sunshine is also a natural antidepressant and brings about a positive mindset. Just be sure to drink adequate amount of water and put on your sunblock!